This is a response to a Write Tribe cue – a short story under 700 words containing:
Just for fun, I thought I’d try it.
“Jose?” Maria poked her brother stiffly. “Don’t just stand there staring at the postcard! Let me see!” The small girl wriggled herself between her brother’s arms and placed her nose within inches of the suspect mail. “Turn it over,” she demanded, stomping one tiny foot.
The young man pulled the paper away and frowned. Maria needed no new, wild ideas. The girl was already in enough trouble. “It’s just a note from Dad…”
“Just? How can you say just? Where is he? Give it!” Maria smacked him in the shins and when he bent to protect himself, she snatched the card from his fingers. Drawn in a tidy hand on the reverse side was a calendar with a circle around the fifth and below that a single word—“Help!”
“Look Maria, I know you think it’s some sort of cry for a rescue…but you’re my responsibility now, not his. And you don’t need to be traipsing half way around the country because of a stupid message.” Jose squared his shoulders and held his ground. He had objected to becoming Maria’s guardian at first, being only nineteen himself, but life followed its destined course. In the last three years he had watched Maria blossom from a troubled little girl into a young woman, and he had worked harder than ever before in his life.
“Jose…don’t you see? I need to do this.” The plea in her eyes almost made his heart burst.
“What I see is a girl who needs to…”
“I know,” she interjected placing a hand on his lips to hush him. “A girl who must first find the coin to pay for the damage to Mr. Cecil’s car.” The air seemed to flood out of her all at once and Maria looked at the ground.
“Yes.” Jose had made a promise. No charges had been pressed against his sister and she would pay for the joy ride by working. He took a deep breath and studied her tear filled eyes. He put a hand on Maria’s shoulder. “And when it’s done, I’ll take you to the sanitarium to see our father myself.”
Maria met his gaze and tilted her head in a proud stance. “He might be in trouble. Can we go on the fifth?”
Do you think they go to see their father on the fifth? Is he in trouble? Is he crazy?
Good one… are you planning to write the rest of this? I sure hope you do… would love to read it.. 🙂
Hahahaha it said under 500 words… maybe. thanks for peeking in!
500? I thought it was 700.. 😐
maybe I misread? I don’t know. Just seemed like fun.
Very good try 🙂
Thanks Sridevi! I took a shot lol but just for fun!
Feisty little thing she is. Looking forward to part 2.
Hahaha thanks Suzy.
Great job, Patrick! Loved the story!
thank you Martha!
O! God! the innocence and the pain tore my heart apart.
I am thrilled to know what happens next. Are you going to continue it or is it completed here? I guess the dad must be in some trouble and Jose would definitely visit him.
They will visit, yes. I may write more. Was fun to get this far. Thanks for commenting!
I enjoyed the Tales of Two cities as well 🙂 thanks!
I have done my job when a reader asks just that! thanks for dropping in.
That was an abrupt ending…loved reading it…but at the end it was cheeky…it will be well and good if you complete it…want to know more about the bro and sis and their father…
the job of a writer is to capture interest and imagination. Clearly I have accomplished that 🙂 Thanks for peeking in!
I hope they do go and visit their dad. Who knows, he might need their help.
PS: Please consider underlining the 7 words, as they are difficult to make out since your blog background is dark.
I did this as an exercise in fun. since I have no interest in a prize, my highlighted words are probably sufficient. thanks for stopping by to read the post! 🙂
You’ve got a fab story going here, Patrick! Thanks for entering the contest. 🙂
Thanks Corinne. I wrote this for fun and to see if a short beginning could pique interest. Hope you all had fun 🙂
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I am glad you find my little tale interesting enough to warrant an ending…however it isn’t unfinished. It accomplishes the task set out for it and it summons the reader’s thirst for more. I await your responses to this challenge with interest, What does happen next?
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