I’m a story teller. You already know that. I invent things, sometimes things that I can not have. I dream. I want more time. I fly. I crawl. I dance. I manage to become hundreds of people, while the me that’s inside is often lost and afraid. Do you love me? Do you hate me? Do you wonder who I am? Open your eyes.
The answer is very clear–so do I.
I am imperfect in a perfect world. “None of us are perfect parents.” “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.” “No one looks like a television super- model(my apologies Naomi Campbell).” We are all what we are meant to be. We make mistakes and we learn.
Some of my most superlative photographs reveal flaws, show defects, and display the world as I want to see it–
–amazingly beautiful in its immense imperfection.
The simple thought of motion defines so many parts of life. In a smaller sense it describes activity in a microcosm of our day. I went into the kitchen and came out with my coffee…
Maybe not what someone was expecting, but apt nonetheless.
I find the concept of a quick turn around defining many parts of life, and I object. We all prefer in the hospital to be a quick out of the hospital, but in love needs to last a life time.
I insist on the permanence of certain concepts–liberty, happiness, choice, freedom, love—being among my favorites. It makes me wonder how these things can so easily fall into the category of temporary.
Yes, someone may point out that liberty, freedom and choice are the same thing, but that is not always true…
My mind is open. How about you?
That’s right you heard me, indecision. Nuts to you. I can live without the stress you cause me.
Yes, I will make mistakes. Yes, I will need to re-edit my work. Yes, I will do things that I later abhor…but I will not give in to your demands.
Too often you have cheated me out of things that might have been. Too often I have not found the courage to listen to my heart. I’m done with you…
So today I thumb my nose at my old pastime of worry.
I will move forward…at least until tomorrow…
Sometimes it’s a long road to crazy. I find myself objecting to being categorized among the outsiders of humanity. I’m too outspoken, too loud, too free with my opinions…or perhaps my opinions are too unrestrained. Whatever the reason, I am branded with the rest of you as “different.” Yes, we are a group of unusual people.
Now, I have no problem holding my head up and saying I prefer the unique. Life is too short for conformity. There has been only one major repercussion–I have difficulty selling books.
As an artist, I shrug off the discomfort. As someone who needs to eat, life can become interesting without money. I envision myself as an old man standing in a subway tunnel with an open guitar case. I read poetry to the passing masses. The upturned hat–yeah that’s right–it’s for change.
“Can you spare a dime?”
We are all unique in some way. Fortunately, I am young enough to sustain my lifestyle and my dignity, at least for now. I can’t stop writing. It wouldn’t be possible if I tried. Therein lies the insanity.
John 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live
Sometimes it takes only a few words to inspire.
Have a wonderful Sunday!
Funny that sometimes I am angry deep down inside. It really isn’t like me – not my personality. I think maybe it is the side effect of illness or medication, but I am responsible for my emotions and my life. A little bit of the Dragon slips out and before I know it I am spitting fire and can’t quite stop the smoke or the collateral damage.
Lately I have become a very quiet person. I do at times wonder if my silence fuels the anger, but the idea is irrelevant. I will not explode.
I can do what all Dragons must— find my internal center, say my prayers, look for calm. Otherwise we are out burning down villages, ruining lives and making things unpleasant for everyone. Anger has no place ruling a dragon’s life. Give it up.
To be honest Monday should be like any other for a Dragon. I get up, snarf coffee, do a chore or two, take meds and plan my day. Only thing that makes it different is that other people are on their way to work…
Yeah, that’s right. On Monday there are fewer things to distract me. Most of my friends have or will have jobs and when they get home its the inevitable “I’m tired.” I wear out fast. My days start great, but I miss all of you.
Solutions:
Personally I vote for number 1… What do you think?
Sometimes I think my behavior teaches the wrong things to the people around me. I am in pain, so I become easily angered. I am tired, so I have no interest. I am trying to focus on my writing, so I ignore your needs. I am not always the person I want to be…
Maybe these are not the things I want to convey at all.
What do I learn from you?
Wasn’t that a song? I think most people don’t like Monday because they leave their weekend and go back to work. My Mondays are the same as any day…and YES, I work in my pajamas. However, that’s not why I’m a writer.
There is nothing like doing what you love. It isn’t easy always to know what that entails. I have thoroughly enjoyed many occupations. The trick is to know yourself and stay on a chosen course. Determine what you love and never give up.
So today is Monday. I’m at home, sitting at my desk. Yes, I think I’ll stay in my pajamas. I am going to write. Where are you and what are you doing?
patrick o'scheen 